A cold night, a warm black hoodie, hands in the pockets, and headphones in the ears. Eyes half-closed, as steps, blindly followed the usual route on the tune of “Perfect“. Serene streets, misty air, and not even a single living entity insight. It was just another midnight walk, on my favorite streets of IIM Bangalore.
Only, that it was not.
At 3:04 AM (Thanks to my weird habits of tracking time), in the middle of the walk, as I walk past the familiar road near the sports garden, I saw someone sitting on a bench near MHU (A facility in IIM Bangalore, where married students can live with their spouses). The face was not familiar, but we still exchanged a smile. He was holding something in his hand, a white paper, a letter perhaps. As I walked past him, I felt that I heard some strange sound. I stopped the “Perfect” in my ears and then turned back, just to see if that mysterious person was okay. There was no one. It is like that person had vanished in thin air, leaving my spine filled with chill, and that paper on the bench. I cautiously walked near the bench, picked up that paper, and started reading it in the light of a lamppost.
Dear Enigmatic Angel,
I HATE YOU!
Yes, you heard it right, I hate you!
Yeah, I agree, that we had a good run, for whatever time it was, but there are a few things that I never told you. Maybe it is about the time that I do!
I hated the walks that we took together. So many of them. All of them.
I hated all the nights that we spent together: some in the houses haunted by me, some in the dreams cherished by you.
Oh yes, I hated all of them.
The silent conversations and the conversing silences.
The eccentric touches and the shy blushes.
The hand that I could never hold and the hugs we could never get.
The smiles that I would die for. And the smiles that I would live for.
The stars in your eyes and the butterflies in your stomach.
Yes, I hated them; I hated all of them.
And I hate you.
Being the ghost, I have always been, an embodiment of night and darkness, and being the Angel, you have always been, an epitome of light and laughter, we were never meant to be together!
You have been always a collector of the colors, and I have been harnessing hues.
You have been a cautious cat and I have been a harbinger of hope.
I should have listened to the world when it said, fire and ice can never unite; sky and sea can never meet; a moon cannot kiss a sun, and an Angel can never be with a Demon!
The reason is quite simple: I hate you because I love you. Truly, madly, insanely, stupidly, wildly. I will probably run out of the adjectives, but I will not run out of the love for you.
I hated the walks because I knew they would be over soon. This place had been serene earlier too, but somehow these humans have managed to make beautiful too. And in your company, it became magical. The trees would wink, the birds would smile, the lampposts would be brighter when the hands were held tighter. Every walk is a story in the book of my heart: something which you have always owned, even more than I do!
I hated the nights spent with you; coz I knew the day would arrive sooner. Sleeping in your lap, looking at the game of moons and stars in the sky, time would fly like my eyes would dissolve in the depth of your eyes!
I hated all the touches, and blushes, the silences, and words, the smiles and butterflies, coz I always knew, that they were ephemeral. I only had access to them for the nights, that too for a few of them. Those moments lasted for very few lapses of time, but their effects resonated with me for a long time. I never wanted them to end. I always craved for more.
And I hated that killing, though I loved the feeling.
They said Angels and Demons can never be together – but a fire burnt on the ice, a sky met a sea on the horizon, the moon was always kissed by the light of the sun, and a ghost was always complemented by an angel. Opposites attract. Opposites merge. Opposites complete a picture.
Colors bring out the hope in the hues, and hues make the cautions cat crave the night!
I had thought, that feeling is only made for the mortal human beings. That is what I had thought for hundreds of years of my existence. I didn’t know I was wrong, until you walked into this place, out of the blue, mesmerized me for some time, and then vanished in thin air.
Yes, you finally vanished, as you had said you would, but it was still so sudden, so unexpected, that it left my heart in pieces. Pieces, thousands, and thousands of them, that escaped my body; Pieces, that constantly search you in the heavens and hells, lives and deaths, zeroes and infinities and every other possibility of the existing and non-existing worlds. And I, the foolishly misguided ghost, wander in the streets here, with a cavity in my chest, living in your memories, desperately waiting for any of my little heart to return and take me to you. But it has been hundreds of years now; neither the heart came back, nor did you; but if I see, both are the same, aren’t they?
You have always been an Enigmatic Angel: A puzzle I could never solve. I don’t know where you came from, and I’ll perhaps never know where have vanished too. But it’s true, that my nights and my life will never be the same.
I didn’t know that I was lost until I found you.
I didn’t know what I have found until I lost you.
– A Misguided Ghost, Lost in the streets of darkness
P.S. Waiting for you to come home!
I did not know how to react when I read this letter.
I do not know who this ghost is. I do not know where the Angel vanished. I go on walks every night at 3.04 AM, hoping to return the letter to my mysterious friend, the Misguided Ghost! Maybe, some night, I will see him take a walk with that Enigmatic Angel, embracing her hand, and lost in her eyes.
I will just pass by, smiling at them, as my headphones play “Perfect” again, and my heart silently says to them, “You look perfect tonight!” 🙂