A night is the best to have some deep and meaningful conversations. A night gives you a serene and calm environment to explore the ocean of another person’s mind without being disturbed by anyone and anything. All you can do is dive in that ocean and reach it’s depth (and oxygen is not a necessity here).
I explored an ocean last night.
Sitting on a chair in my hostel room, while looking at a friend and still not looking at her, all I was trying to do is to comprehend what she was speaking. Subject to my limited thinking capacity, I couldn’t understand that deep conversation, though I tried my best to collect as many pearls as I could.
“I had also thought that I will start my company, but I couldn’t. Maybe I didn’t have enough guts, or maybe I got a bit scared. But now, after working for in a corporate world and joining this institute, it seems like I have somehow lost my will to do it. Somehow, I have lost the appetite to do that.”
I don’t know how the subject started and when did the other members of my group left, but somehow, it became one of the best conversations of my life. Actually, it wasn’t a duel. It was an effort by a calm, composed mind to alleviate the struggles of a confused, disorderly mind.
An enlightened person’s attempt to enlighten another one.
A god’s attempt to solve the questions of a poor soul (of course, I was the poor soul).
The poor soul asked: “You are in a very good position. You are from a good college, great work experience, great background. But look at me. I am nowhere near you. Or the other people here. My mind is just filled with self-doubt and confusion.”
She replied: “You need to stop worrying about this rat race. You know what, this race, this maze is not developed by us. It is put by others. It has been developed by the world. We live inside this illusion of a race, but it’s not actually one. Every rat will come out of this maze, but with its own pace. Some will be the first one to get out of it, another will be the last one. But the question is not about the rank, it’s more about how you come out of it. And trust me, every person in this campus will come out of it someday. You will also do that one day. Keep your eyes on the cheese, not the other rats.”
We discussed various subjects, from death to life, from failure to success, from sadness to happiness, and from a mind to a soul. That’s when she told me about a sad incident in her life when she lost a very important part of her life in a sudden moment. She knew that the loss was going to happen, and maybe she had prepared for it, but it didn’t happen at a time she was expecting it to. The spirit of life struggled gloriously for several months, but in an unfortunate event, the devil swallowed it.
“I knew it was going to happen, and so did the people close to me. We had tried our best to prevent it, and at a point, it felt like we can be successful, but eventually, life played its cards. It was really a hard struggle, but that struggle brought my family closer. We got bonded in a very different way.”
Giving minimum stress to my vocal chord only when necessary, I was concentrating all my energy in my ears. I was trying to understand what she was trying to say, we both were unaware of the other’s struggle. I don’t know who was struggling more: a confused mind, which was trying to find its purpose, or a composed mind, which was trying to hide its sorrow.
“You know, I have started believing in the existence of a soul. And I believe that every soul suffers for a reason: the reason being, to make itself stronger and prepare for the next life. You fail in an exam, but gets some motivation for the next one. You suffer from a break-up, but it prepares you for the next one. Similarly, your soul suffers from hardships, so that it can become stronger and prepare you for the next life. You might find this thought childish, but it actually works. It actually calms my inner struggle. And as they say, use whatever works for you.”
The conversation lasted for a while, but I don’t remember most of it. But it has, somehow, created a deep impression on my mind, and I can still feel it’s effect.
I don’t know what expressions Arjuna had given while listening to the Bhagvadgita, but I must have had similar ones.
I don’t remember when she left my room, but she left me with several thoughts. Thought’s that wouldn’t let me sleep for that night. Thought’s that would keep my mind awake while my eyes struggled.
I finally closed my eyes somehow, with another thought: to let my soul suffer and make it stronger for this life only (after all, who has time for the next one?)